Paperthin Hymn
by Lady.of.Victory.Rising
Summary: Balalaikas. Jess doesn't come back. Rory's fragile world falls apart. When she has fallen still farther from grace, Jess returns to Stars Hollow, to discover that Rory has gone missing. Can they put her life- and their relationship- back together? AU Lit
1. Breaking

**Author's Note-** I rewatched the Lit scenes from Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ring Out about twelve times last week. That's where the inspiration for this came from. It will be longer than The Crying Game, but I have only written the first three chapters. So... you can expect regular updates at least that long. After that... well, we'll see, won't we?

Now, let's take a look at Balalaikas... sans Jess.

* * *

1. Breaking

_"I thought you said forever  
Over and over  
These sleepless nights become  
Bitter oblivion."_

_-Anberlin _

* * *

Rory paused as she stepped out of the front door, hesitating on the gravel drive. She really didn't want to eat by herself in the house, with the maid making obsequies at her elbow all night, and she _certainly_ had no inclination to follow her grandmother to the bridge game, despite the invitation that had been issued. What she really wanted was a nice, quiet dinner with Logan (not that there would be a likely chance of that happening, even if he had been home).

At that moment, though, a familiar silver Porsche careened into the driveway.

"Hop in, Ace!" her boyfriend called through the window. "You and me are going out on the town!"

She sighed inwardly. That was all they ever did- go out on the town- with or without his mates, and it was grating on her. Outwardly, though, she only said, "Logan, you're home! I thought you were gone until tomorrow."

He climbed out of the car and smiled tiredly at her. "Yeah, well, thought I'd surprise you, Ace."

"I'm definitely surprised," she replied.

"So come on," he said, waving a hand at the car. "Let's go somewhere."

Rory bit her lip. She wanted to spend time with Logan, but she also wanted to stay in tonight. Saying that was bound to start something, because god forbid Logan Huntzberger should do anything that wouldn't live up to his playboy reputation, but relationships were about compromises. She'd made plenty. It was time for him to hold up his end.

"Actually, I was thinking maybe we could stay in tonight," she said shyly.

He looked at her, wearing her coat and dressed to go out, and raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Looks like you're ready to leave, to me," he said.

She shook her head. "That was before I knew you'd be getting home tonight."

"Yeah, well, I'm the one who's had to spend a whole day in Omaha," he said mulishly. "I just want to go out and get drunk as all hell."

Rory sighed. "You did that _last_ night!" she exclaimed, fed up and really not in the mood for Logan's childishness. "Can't you just... take a break? I'm sure your liver would thank you!"

"Where's this coming from?" he demanded, sounding irritable and surprised at her resistance. "You love coming out with me and the guys most nights!"

"No, I really don't," she said. Didn't he know her at all?

"You never said anything before."

Rory resisted the urge to stamp her feet- as infuriating as Logan's density was, that was really childish. "Yeah, because I didn't want to make a scene!" she exclaimed. "I knew you would react like this."

"Like what?" he asked, stepping closer to her. "What am I acting like?"

"Like a spoiled little jerk who has to have his way!"

"Hey, whoa whoa whoa whoa!" Logan exclaimed. "Don't turn this around on me! When I ask you out, you can say no. I get that you're upset because you're on the outs with your mom, but don't take it out on me 'cause you can't work up the guts to go talk to the bitch!"

Rory saw red. "Don't you _dare_ talk about my mom!" she screamed.

"Yeah, well, that's a little hypocritical, don't you think, Ror?" he asked, in a demeaning tone one might use on a very small, slow child. She registered his use of her mother's nickname for her and it only served to infuriate her further. Only two people- two people who had once and did mean the world to her- called her 'Ror.' No one else was allowed to. "You didn't seem to have any problems bad-mouthing my mother at the first opportunity!"

"Because she was being awful to _you_ that night!"

"I didn't make you say those things!" he yelled. Then he stopped, apparently taking stock of his tone. With a sigh, he said, "Come on, let's just go."

She shook her head. "No," she said firmly. "I told you, I don't want to go out."

Logan looked at her for what felt like a very long time. "Then I guess that's it," he said, and the finality in his tone told her he wasn't just talking about drinks. "We're done."

Rory gasped. "What? Just like that? Go get drunk with me or we're breaking up?"

He shook his head. "No, it's... not that, you know? It's this- the drama. I don't want to be standing here, screaming at you in your grandparents' driveway. I can't take it. I thought it would be fun, I could be your boyfriend, but it's just too much drama."

"If you can't take the drama, you shouldn't _be_ in a relationship," Rory said, trying desperately to stop the tears that were prickling at the back of her eyes from spilling over.

"Well, that's good then," he said. "'Cause I'm not."

He got in his car, slammed the door, and drove away.

* * *

_The next day..._

_

* * *

_"Rory?" The knock on her bedroom door sounded for the third time. "Rory, open up." Another few seconds passed in silence, and Rory thought for a brief, hopeful moment, that her grandmother had gotten the hint and gone away.

No such luck. The door swung open and Emily entered the little room. Immediately, her concerned expression changed to one of shock. "Rory, you're still in your pajamas!" she exclaimed. "We have to be at the Ogilvie Center for the Russian tea in less than half an hour!"

Sitting up and running a hand through her mussed hair, Rory replied, "I know. I'm not going."

Emily stared at her incredulously. "What do you mean you're not going? Of course you're going!" she snapped.

"No, I'm not."

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, do not take that insolent tone with me, you sound just like your mother!" Emily growled. "This tea is the most important function of the season, and you will not miss it."

"No."

"Well, I never! What's gotten into you?"

Rory flopped back on the bed. "I've just had the worst couple of days and I just... I can't, Grandma."

Emily narrowed her eyes at her. "Rory, we are Gilmores. We do not simply bow out of functions because we've had a "bad day." You will get up off that bed, you will get dressed and do your hair, and you will meet me at the Ogilvie Center in thirty minutes or there will be consequences."

It was just too much. All her anguish over losing the relationship with her mother she'd cherished... all her pain over Logan's out-of-the-blue breakup... it all came rushing up to compound her irritation. She jumped to her feet. "Don't speak to me like I'm a child!" she said in raised tones.

"If you don't want to be treated like a child, you would do well not to act like one!"

Rory narrowed her eyes. "I finally understand why Mom hates you!" she half-yelled. "I'm not her, okay? I can't be your replacement daughter. I can't be Perfect Little Rory anymore! I'm not good enough and I'm never going to be, so just get off my case!"

"If you're going to live in this house, you will follow our rules," Emily said dangerously.

"Well then, maybe I won't live in this house anymore," Rory said quietly. She closed the door in Emily's face. Five minutes later, she walked out of the bedroom dressed in jeans and and a sweater, with her purse in her hand and a coat over her arm. "I'm leaving," she said. And she walked down the stairs, through the hall, and out the front door.

***

Rory sank down on the front steps and buried her face in her hands. Had she really just done that? It had been necessary, she knew. She had been suffocating in there, being turned into a surrogate Lorelai to replace the one they'd never managed to rein in, but now what?

She couldn't go home. She just couldn't face her mother after everything that had happened. She didn't know if she'd be able to take seeing the look of disappointment, the judgment in Lorelai's eyes. But if she couldn't go home, where could she go?

* * *

**A/N2-** This chapter is the shakiest one of the whole story, I promise. I'm just not good at writing the fighting and the screaming. Which is probably bad, because I love the dramatic, angsty stuff. The next chapter will be posted on Tuesday.


	2. Fallen Angels

**Author's Note-** Okay, so I'm impatient and a review junkie and I posted a day early. So sue me, I'm sure you're all pleased. Consider it a late Easter gift or something.

I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. As much as I love Emily and Richard, I found them extremely hard to write, and I can't help feeling that their reactions to the "situation" aren't really that plausible. Richard, at least, would be more concerned, I think. There I go, sacrificing believability for the sake of the plot, which is something I swore when I first started writing that I would never do. Can you ever forgive me?

* * *

2. Fallen Angels

_"I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night  
Can't stand here like this anymore  
For always and ever is always for you  
I want it to be perfect  
Like before  
I want to change it all..."_

_-The Cure_

* * *

_Three weeks later..._

* * *

Jess knocked on the door of the Crap Shack a little apprehensively. During his last conversation with his uncle, Luke had mentioned that he was essentially living with Lorelai now, so coming here was necessary, but that didn't make him any less nervous. He hadn't been here in over two years, and he was pretty sure that at least one occupant of the house still despised him. Rory might have forgiven him. That was how she was: given enough time, she would probably forgive anyone any crime. Lorelai, however, was probably still coming up with inventive ways to gut him without leaving any evidence. The fact that he was showing up at eleven o'clock at night probably wasn't helping matters. But that, he couldn't help: it had been a long drive from Philadelphia.

The prospect of seeing Rory was also weighing heavily on his mind. He wanted to show her all he had accomplished, prove to her that he was no longer the loser screw-up he'd been back when they'd been dating. Though she was bound to have moved on, a foolish part of him was hoping that maybe, just maybe, he'd get a second chance with her. He knew he was an idiot.

Only seconds after he'd rapped his knuckles against the frame, Luke flung the door open and made a shushing gesture with his finger pressed to his lips. "Jess, hey," he said in a near-whisper. "Come in. And be quiet!" His uncle ushered him through the house and then right back out onto the back porch.

When the kitchen door was safely shut behind them, Jess gave his uncle a wry look. "Not that I don't appreciate honing my espionage skills, but what's with the Mission Impossible routine?"

"Lorelai's asleep." In the glow from Babette's porch light, Luke's expression was hard to read, but the tightening in his jaw and the worried set of his brow tipped Jess off that that wasn't the extent of it. However, he chose not to pry for the moment. "So, what are you doing here, nephew?" Luke asked, clearly making an effort to keep his voice jovial.

A genuine smile spread across Jess' face. "I had to come to Connecticut on business. I thought I'd start off in Stars Hollow, come visit you."

Luke nodded. "Ah, yeah, the... uh... artsy place?"

"Truncheon, yeah. I, uh, actually have something to show you." Jess reached into his bag and felt around until his fingers touched the slender spine of a book. Pulling it out, he handed it to his uncle, who squinted at the cover.

"What's this?" he began, but as the words printed there became clear, his eyebrows shot up and something like a smile crossed his face. "You didn't tell me you were writing!" he exclaimed. "Why didn't you say you were writing a book?"

Jess shrugged. "Didn't want to make a big deal out of it," he said.

Luke grinned at him. "Jess, this is a huge deal!" he said, pulling him into a hug. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Luke," Jess said sincerely when they broke apart. "That means a lot. So, how have you been?"

The older man sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Uh... okay, considering."

A feeling of trepidation settled in his stomach. "Considering what?"

"Rory is... missing."

The bottom dropped out of his stomach and the trepidation pooled there ran out, replaced with a sense of helpless terror. "Missing _how_?" he demanded. "What happened?"

Luke leaned against the porch rail, looking very tired and much older than he really was. "Things have gone from bad to worse since you were here last," he said. "She and Lorelai had a... falling out. After Rory dropped out of Yale." He nodded in confirmation, noting the look of shock on Jess' face. "Yeah, I know. It's kind of a long story. Anyway, she was living with the Gilmores down in Hartford. I don't know the details, but it sounds like she and Emily had a blowout, and Rory moved out and no one's heard from her since."

Jess felt like he was drowning. "When was this?" he asked, and even to his own ears his voice sounded strained and panicky. Horrible scenarios were playing out in his head and he felt sick.

"That would be three weeks ago."

"Shit," he hissed under his breath, only barely resisting the temptation to hit something.

Luke nodded. "Lorelai's been a wreck. We called the police, but she's twenty, you know? She's legally an adult, so there's really nothing they can do, unless we've got proof of foul play."

"_Shit_," Jess said again. Cold fear was settling through him and he found it hard to stand still. There was no way he'd be able to stay here even another minute. He pulled the back door of the house open and stormed back through the kitchen, ignoring Luke's whispered call after him. He strode through the house and out into the driveway, where his uncle caught up to him just as he was pulling open the door of his second-hand Buick.

"Where are you going?" Luke demanded.

Jess gave him a look. "Hartford," he said shortly. Then he slid into the driver's seat of the car and slammed the key into the ignition.

* * *

_The next day..._

_

* * *

_

He'd been roving Hartford since midnight the day before, and it was nearing eleven p.m. now and still nothing. He had dropped in on the Gilmores earlier in the day, but that visit hadn't been particularly helpful...

_A maid answered the door- _typical_, he thought- and showed him into a sitting room where the redheaded matriarch of the Gilmore clan was enthroned. "Who are you?" she demanded._

_"Jess Mariano, Mrs. Gilmore," he said, as politely as possible._

_Her eyes narrowed, apparently trying to place him. It took her several seconds, but suddenly her politely interested expression froze over and she glared at him. "Yes," she said primly. "I remember you. The thug with the black eye." Again, typical. People like her just didn't get over first impressions, did they? He would never have come back here if his life depended on it. Unfortunately, his life didn't depend on it, but Rory's might, and that was more than enough inducement._

_He maintained as mild an expression as he could manage while his heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice. "I like to think I've matured since then," he said in a tone that rivaled hers in coldness. Neither of them liked each other, there was no real reason to pretend that they did. "I'm trying to find Rory," he said._

_"Well, she's not here," she replied tightly._

_"Yes, I _know_," he said in exasperation. "No one's heard from her since you kicked her out. I was hoping maybe she would have contacted you."_

_Rising to her feet, she said, "We did not "kick Rory out." She got _herself_ thrown out."_

_Perhaps it was the similarity to the words Luke had spoken to him three years earlier, or perhaps it was the self-assured, unaffected air she gave off as she said it, but Jess saw red. "Your own granddaughter is _missing_!" he shouted. "No one has seen or heard from her in three weeks, and you don't even care! What the hell is wrong with you? She could be hurt, or... or... I don't know, but she's gone and Lorelai's terrified and you're the last person who saw her! What's wrong with you that you don't even care that your own flesh and blood--"_

_At that moment, a tall, sere man entered the parlor, carrying a newspaper. Jess presumed him to be Richard Gilmore. "Emily?" he asked. "What's going on?"_

_She gave Jess a scathing look. "This... acquaintance... of Rory's burst in here demanding information about our granddaughter."_

_Jess turned to face Richard. "Do you have any idea where she might have gone?" he asked. "She hasn't contacted anyone since she left here three weeks ago."_

_Richard sighed, removing his glasses. "Young man, we are as worried about Rory as anyone, but short of hiring a private investigator, there's really nothing we can do."_

_"So why haven't you _done_ it?" Jess demanded. "All her life she's been surrounded by people who would do anything for her! So why am I the only one doing anything when she really needs us?"_

_Richard lay a paternal hand on Jess' shoulder, which he immediately shrugged off. "I'm sure she'll turn up," Richard said. "She's a smart girl, she wouldn't get herself into any serious trouble. If she hasn't contacted anyone by tomorrow, I give you my word that I'll look into hiring someone to look for her."_

_It didn't make him feel better in the slightest. He nodded, though. "Thank you. I... don't you have any idea where she might go?"_

_Richard shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't. You might ask Logan Huntzberger- her boyfriend, that is. I haven't spoken to him, but he's the most likely one to know where she is." Emily opened her mouth, as though about to speak, then closed it abruptly and shook her head to clear away the thought._

_Despite the fact that he had known Rory would probably have found someone new, the information that she had a boyfriend made Jess' blood boil. "Thanks," he said tersely. "I'll see myself out." He all but sprinted to the front door._

He hadn't been able to make himself contact Logan Huntzberger. He just couldn't put himself through that. Jess would do anything for Rory- anything but go to her new boyfriend to ask if he'd bothered to keep track of her as he should have. It was more emotional torture than he was willing to endure, even for her. So he was resorting to wandering around through various Hartford venues, showing people the picture of her he still carried with him in his wallet.

It was ridiculous. Who knew if she'd even remained in Hartford? She had cash, she could literally be anywhere in the world by now. But he had to start somewhere.

He was just giving up a dive bar on Keeney Avenue as a lost cause when a brunette huddled in a far corner caught his eye. Jess stared for a long moment, hardly recognizing her. As he looked at her, his well-worn, badly-patched heart broke a little more.

* * *

**A/N2-** And that's that. Please review, it makes my day.


	3. Carry You Home

**Author's Note-** This was the chapter that inspired the entire fic, and the one I wrote first, ironic as that may seem. But I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff, I guess. And honestly, the Jess/Luke father-uncle/son-nephew bonding scene at the end is pretty much my favorite part of this chapter. Then again, I love the relationship between those two. They're hysterical.

* * *

3. Carry You Home

_"__A distant light, sometimes a foghorn in the night  
Is your reminder you were just a child when you knew  
That you needed someone to prove you wrong  
But you didn't know it would take so long..."_

_-Jupiter One_

* * *

_Jess stared for a long moment, hardly recognizing her. As he looked at her, his well-worn, badly-patched heart broke a little more._

Rory's eyes were bloodshot, and her hair was matted. She looked so thin, as if she hadn't properly eaten in weeks. There was a stain on the front of her sweater, and she was staring into what appeared to be a gin and tonic with the kind of drifting intensity of someone who was extremely hammered.

For a ridiculous moment, he nearly lost his nerve for the stupidest of reasons- he didn't want their first meeting after a year and a half to be when she was flat-out drunk. But when the relief of having found her washed over him, the butterflies in his stomach passed. They were replaced with a horrible ache when he saw her state. It wasn't just her roughed-up appearance; she just _looked _broken. That glow that had always defined her was gone, and she seemed small and sad and alone.

He approached the little table where she sat. She barely noticed him. It wasn't until he said "Hi, Rory," in the softest tone he possessed that she even looked up.

Despite the obvious imbibing which she'd partaken of recently, her recognition of him was instantaneous. "Jess," she said- or rather, slurred. "What're you doing here?" She got to her feet and swayed a little. His hand on her elbow steadied her, and she giggled a little. "Whoopsie," she mumbled. "I guess I had a lil' more than I thought."

"Rory, where have you been?" he asked. "Everybody's been really worried."

She hiccuped. "Couldn't go home," she slurred, and her eyes met his with a bluntly honest, terrified expression. "Couldn't go back to Grandma's. So I got a hotel."

Jess hated seeing her like this, scared and alone and broken down. "You look awful, Ror," he said, the nickname slipping easily from his tongue as if no time at all had passed. "Have you been eating?"

She shook her head. "Not much. Didn't wanna use my credit card," she said. "Didn't want anybody to find me."

"Why didn't you call anybody, at least to let them know you were _alive_, for god's sake?"

"Everybody hates me," she whispered. "Been so stupid, Jess."

"Nobody hates you," he assured her, unconsciously reaching for her hands as he said it.

"Yeah they do," she said, staring at the hands that he now held. "Specially you."

He shook his head. "No, Rory, I could never hate you."

"I was awful to you," she said quietly, and tears began to well up in her eyes. Jess sighed inwardly. It figured that she would be a weepy drunk. He'd never had much tolerance for people who got smashed and then started crying over all their ills. But once again, this was Rory. He'd make the exception for her.

"I deserved it," he assured her.

"Why are you here?" she asked, swaying again.

Jess squeezed her hands. "I came to find you," he explained. "I'm here to take you home."

Panic stole over her face, joining the tears that were coursing silently down her cheeks. "No, n-no, Jess, I c-can't!" she stuttered. "Please, I can't f-face them--"

"Shh," he told her sternly. "Come on now." He pulled gently on her hands, getting her to take a few faltering steps forward. It was a sign of just how far she'd fallen and how lost she felt that she simply allowed him to tow her along, desperate for any guidance in her shattered, confused state.

But as she tilted dangerously to one side, he realized she had drunk too much to walk properly. "Oh Rory," he sighed. "Here." He pulled her left arm over his shoulder, while slinging his right arm around her waist to support her. He realized that she was even skinnier than he'd realized at first- the sweater had concealed just how much she'd shrunk. She wasn't dangerously thin, but her obvious lightness terrified him. Unconsciously, he held her a little tighter.

As they passed the bar, he called out to the bartender. "Hey, how much does she owe?"

The mousy little man shrugged. "'Bout forty," he said. "She stopped paying by the glass a couple hours back."

Jess glowered at him. "And you let her keep drinking?" he demanded.

The man shrugged again, and Jess restrained the urge to give the irresponsible bastard a piece of his mind. Pulling out his wallet one-handed, Jess threw a couple of twenties at the man and supported the staggering Rory out of the smoke-filled establishment and into the clear night. As he unlocked the silver Regal and helped settle her into the passenger seat, he noticed that tears were still running silently down her face.

Hesitantly, he brushed his hand against her cheek, taking away the tear stains on his palm. "It'll be okay now," he promised. She nodded silently, blue eyes huge and trusting and impossibly childlike despite the situation he had found her in. It stirred up an unfamiliar desire to protect her, to keep her safe from a world that had clearly shown her its uglier side since he'd been away. His own instincts frightened him, and he abruptly pulled his hand away. It was a complete reversal of how he'd always felt around her when they were kids- he'd wanted to open her up and show her the world; now he just wanted to hide her from it so it wouldn't cause her any more damage.

"Let me know if you feel like you're getting sick," he said brusquely.

He walked quickly to the driver's side, got in, and started the drove for some minutes in relative silence, with Rory leaning her head against the glass of the window. Jess caught a glimpse of her face as they passed under a streetlamp, and her eyes were closed. He thought she had fallen asleep.

Then she spoke, in a barely intelligible whisper that proved she was very close to sleep. "Figures you'd be the one to find me," she said. "You always did know me better than anyone."

His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he digested her words.

* * *

Headlights streaming through their window woke Lorelai up. She sat bolt upright in bed, slapping absently at her fiancé's arm as she might have done to an alarm clock. "Luke?" she said softly. "Luke, wake up."

Grumbling, the diner owner sat up, shielding his eyes against the light. Simultaneously, the two of them rolled out of the bed, which had temporarily been relocated to the living room because of the upstairs renovations. Luke headed for the door, with Lorelai right behind him. He opened the door, with the intention of finding out what moron was shining his lights into their house at one in the morning when suddenly the headlights went out.

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, Lorelai heard a car door slam. Then she dimly saw a slight male figure approaching the house. When he emerged from the dark, she saw with a shock that it was Jess, and he was carrying...

Lorelai's heart jumped as she took in the sight of her unconscious daughter cradled in the most unlikely pair of arms.

"Oh my god, is she okay?" she whispered.

Jess gave a curt nod, and, momentary terror appeased, Lorelai took a moment to look at him intently as he passed her on the steps. She hadn't seen him since Liz's wedding, a year and a half ago, and though physically he didn't appear that much different, something in his air radiated a sense of calm she had never seen in him before. Studying his profile as they entered the house, she saw the tightly clenched set of his jaw and the hardness in his eyes as he concentrated on where he was walking, careful not to look down at the girl in his arms.

As he laid Rory gently on her bed, though, his focus slipped. He glanced down at her, and as his eyes fell on her face, they held a look of such absolute tenderness, he was almost unrecognizable as the angry boy she had once known. And it made Lorelai wonder.

"How did you find her?" she asked, once they were safely out in the living room with Rory's bedroom door closed behind them.

"Went to see your parents," he said tersely. "Took her picture to every bar in Hartford."

Luke smiled thinly. "Brave man," he said, referring to Jess' entrance into the Gilmore mansion

"Yeah, well, I found her. That's all that matters."

At his words, Lorelai crossed the space between them and hugged him tightly and without warning. "Thank you, Jess," she whispered. "Thank you for bringing my baby home."

When she stepped back, he looked a little stunned, but he nodded, a reluctant smile making its presence known. "Does this mean I'm forgiven for all my past crimes?"

"We'll see." Lorelai's voice was light and teasing, but as she cast a glance at Rory's bedroom door, her face fell.

"Go on," Luke urged. "Sit with her."

The elder Gilmore gave him a grateful smile and a peck on the lips, then she hurried away into the smaller room off the kitchen, pulling the door to behind her. Luke watched her go with a small smile on his face, but as she disappeared, it fell away as he sighed. "She'll really be okay?" he asked, turning to his nephew.

Jess nodded, staring intensely at nothing. "I think so," he said. "Probably have a killer hangover tomorrow, but I don't think she's done herself any permanent damage." He fell silent for some minutes and the two men simply sat there in the living room, Luke having sunk down on the edge of the bed and Jess perched on the arm of a chair. Luke could feel the coiled tension in his nephew and waited for the younger man to speak.

"You should've seen her, Luke," Jess said eventually in a low voice. "She's so thin..."

"Nothing me and Sookie can't fix in a few weeks," Luke said weakly.

Jess shook his head. "No, it's more than that," he said. "Something's... _broken_ in her. She looked lost, like a little kid. I think the only reason I got her to come with me was because she needed _something_ to latch onto. God, I found her in this shitty bar in a bad part of town, just sitting by herself and looking like... I don't know. I just don't." He drew a shaky breath, finding it difficult to maintain his composure. Hell, it was hard to _breathe,_ thinking of her like that.

Another long moment passed before Luke spoke. "Jess, can I ask you something?"

"I think you just did," the younger man said wryly, observing his shoes closely.

He took a moment to smile briefly at the snarky edge that had never quite left his nephew, then looked at him again, all seriousness. "Do you still love her?"

Jess didn't speak, but he looked up to meet his uncle's gaze, and the painful, uncharacteristic openness in his eyes answered more clearly than words would have. Even to Luke, it was plain that his nephew was still wildly in love with the unconscious girl in the next room. The bizarre parallel to himself and Lorelai did not escape him.

"Huh."

They sat together in companionable silence for awhile, then Jess rose to his feet. "I should head over to the diner," he said. "Key still in the usual place?"

"Stay," Luke offered. "There's the couch, or there's a trundle bed upstairs..."

"Are you sure?" Jess asked uncertainly.

"Yeah," Luke replied.

Jess nodded, and made for the stairs. Before he could ascend past the first landing, however, Luke called out quietly, "Hey Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"She'll be okay."

Jess gave him the first genuine smile he'd worn since shortly after his arrival the day before. He nodded once, then hurried up the stairs.

* * *

**A lot of you have added this to your Story Alert, and I'm very grateful for that, but I'd like to get some feedback, too! As a result, reviews will make the next update come sooner.**


	4. Mending Broken Wings

**Author's Note- **Thank you, for all of your lovely feedback. I always enjoy hearing from you, even the "good chapter, more please" reviews. In this case, it really is quantity, not quality, that makes me happy. Maybe that's a little bass-ackwards, but I don't really care. I never did have my priorities straight.

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* * *

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4. Mending Broken Wings

_"Into the sun we climb_  
_Climbing our wings will burn white_  
_Everyone strapped in tight  
__We'll ride it out_  
_I'll be coming home next year."_

_-Foo Fighters_

* * *

Rory opened her eyes blearily, disoriented. It took her several seconds to adjust to the unaccustomed brightness of her surroundings, and once she had, she became aware of the dull throbbing in her head. She groaned softly, putting a hand up to her forehead, both in an attempt to soothe the pain and to block out the brilliant gold sunlight that was streaming in on her.

"How you feeling?"

The voice shocked her out of her languid state and she shot upright, way too fast, apparently, because the sensations in her head escalated from mere throbbing to throbbing compounded by spinning. "Oogh," she mumbled, shooting a pained look at Luke, who was slouched in a chair next to her bed.

"I guess that means not so great?"

"Luke?" she asked warily.

He nodded. "Yeah, kiddo. Can I, uh, get you anything?"

"No." Rory stared at him, trying to remember the blurry events of the night before. "How did I get here?" she asked.

Her would-be stepfather gave her a sad smile. "Jess brought you home," he informed her.

Despite racking her (admittedly pain-fogged) brain, Rory didn't recall anything of the kind. And... _Jess?_ "Jess?" she asked incredulously.

Luke nodded. "Yeah, when he heard you were missing, he went up to Hartford and spent a whole day looking for you."

"Oh."

Rory fell silent. She couldn't understand why anyone would go to the trouble. She'd been a prize bitch to everyone who cared about her, and she'd been doing stupid, idiotic things for months. But she especially couldn't seem to wrap her mind around the idea that, of all the people who would have been able to willingly seek her out and drag her back into their lives, it was Jess who had actually gone and done it. Rory wasn't blind, she knew she wouldn't have lasted much longer in the conditions under which she'd been living; the idea that anyone would actually want her around, though, was ludicrous. Especially Jess. Even thinking about the last time they'd seen each other was still enough to make her want to sit down and have a good cry.

She needed time to process. She needed time to understand why Luke was looking at her, not with loathing, but with the same fatherly compassion he always had. She needed time to understand why, even with all the bad blood between them, it wasn't her mother who was guarding her sleep and waiting for her to wake up. She needed time to understand why... Jess? She needed time _alone_.

"Um, Luke?" she asked hesitantly. "Is it okay if I take a shower?"

"What? Oh, Rory, yeah, it's your home, of course you can take a shower." He quickly evacuated the bedroom.

Rory gratefully removed the clothes she had been wearing unwashed for several days, taking a moment to fold them neatly at the foot of her bed. Then she put on a robe and pulled a change of clothes (a little too small for her, as were most of the things left in the closet at the Crap Shack, but she wasn't being choosy) out of the closet and proceeded upstairs to the bathroom.

Ten minutes and a great deal of hot water later, and Rory was clean and feeling much better. The stale, sour, hangover feeling had ebbed away, and the headache was just a lingering twinge behind her eyes. She peered cautiously out of the door of the bathroom to be sure she was alone in the hallway, then crept downstairs and after a brief pause in the kitchen she slipped out the back door, heading for the place she was sure she'd find solitude...

* * *

Jess ran a hand over his face with a sigh. Even after a healthy nine hours of sleep, he was exhausted. The forty-eight hours before that, he hadn't slept at all, and for most of that time he'd been under, for lack of a better term, 'emotional stress.' This was not how he'd pictured his return to Stars Hollow. He'd been imagining something a little more... triumphant. It was delusional, but he couldn't deny that he had imagined- more than once- being able to rub this whole town's collective nose in it. His job, his book, they weren't much, but they were _his_, and they were a definite step up from the state penitentiary that most of the citizens of Stars Hollow had been predicting for him.

Instead, he came back to find that his uncle had finally stepped up and taken the leap with Lorelai, and Rory- _his_ Rory- was a broken-down shell of herself. No Yale, no Lorelai, living on the streets from what he could tell... where had it all gone wrong? What fork in the road had she taken that had unwittingly led her here?

He entered the kitchen to find his uncle pacing nervously.

"She's gone again!" Luke exclaimed.

"What?!" Jess demanded, feeling a twinge of yesterday's near-panic creeping back over him.

Luke waved a piece of paper around wildly. "She wakes up and asks to take a shower and I say sure and head down to the diner to make sure Caesar hasn't burned the place to the ground and by the time I get back there's nothing but a wet towel and this!"

Snatching the paper from him, Jess examined it. It was a brief note in Rory's handwriting. _Needed to be alone to think for awhile. Please don't worry. Rory._ He let out the breath he'd been holding. She was alright then, not disappeared again. He nodded to himself. "I think I know where she is," he said. "I'll go talk to her, okay?"

His uncle hesitated, looking uncertain. "Maybe I should...?"

"No offense, but you're not the comforting type."

"But maybe it would be better if Lorelai...?"

Again, Jess shook his head. "She needs to talk to her mom eventually, yeah, but right now she needs somebody who'll be able to relate."

"Lorelai understands running away from home..."

"She understands running, but she doesn't understand feeling like you don't _have_ a home, or like you can't go back," Jess said firmly. It was the closest he and Luke had ever come to directly discussing his teenage years beyond: "I was a moron." "Yes you were." Luke looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. Jess turned and headed out the door.

* * *

As he had suspected, she was perched on the edge of the bridge, ankles crossed above the still water, staring at her hands which were folded in her lap. Jess was reminded forcibly of the night they had first gotten together, and it took him several seconds to realize that he'd stopped in his tracks at the sight of her. He shook his head, trying to remind himself that allowing her to have that much of a visible effect on him was a very bad idea.

"Hey," he said, approaching her.

She started at the sound of his voice, staring up at him with a look like a blue-eyed deer before an oncoming car. "Hi," she replied in a small voice. Jess sat down beside her calmly, giving her a reassuring look. "Luke said you brought me home?"

He shrugged. "Yeah."

"How did you find me?"

"Wandered around Hartford all day," Jess replied. "Showed your picture to anybody who would look. Went to your grandparents."

"What?" Her expression was incredulous, and he could almost have laughed at the open shock on her face.

He gave her a small smile. "As promised, no black eye."

"You remember that?" Rory asked in a quiet voice. Her gaze softened for a moment into a look he couldn't remember seeing before, but before he could decipher it she was back behind a mask of curiosity and hesitant friendliness.

"Forget one of the single most terrifying experiences of my life? Not likely," he joked, though the sentiment was true.

She gave him an uncertain smile. "Well, that's understandable. Grandma is a very... memorable woman. She and Grandpa were looking at real estate in Stars Hollow once, and Kirk has never been the same. He still gets this twitch every time he hears she's going to be in town and then he does this thing where he kind of shrinks in on himself. It's a good thing he knows the town so well, or he'd probably hurt himself trying to avoid her..." She trailed away, looking at him curiously. "Why are you smiling?"

"You nervous?" Jess asked. The rambling had been noted.

She nodded, glancing away. "It's been a long time."

Understatement. One year, five months, and twenty-seven days was too long to be away from her. Even if all he got out of this visit was burying the hatchet, he was desperate for any kind of contact with her. "I'm kind of nervous, too," he confessed.

"At least we're on the same page," she replied. It wasn't true, though. They weren't even close to on the same page, because he had a heart that still belonged entirely to her and she had a... Logan. The thought made him morose. Silence passed for a minute or so before Rory asked, "Why?"

"Why am I nervous?" Jess asked, confused. "I think that should be pretty obvious, Rory."

She shook her head. "No, that's not what I... I just meant, why did you even bother to come find me?" she asked.

He wasn't sure what it was: maybe it was the wording, or maybe it was the innocent frankness in her tone, but her question terrified him. She honestly believed that no one wanted her around, and it scared him to see just how damaged and insecure she was underneath it all. He had caught glimpses of it in her before. He had seen that her humility wasn't feigned, and that she clung to the people that she believed she could rely on. He had wondered if it was because of her flaky and unreliable father. But never before had he seen her like this, with all her defenses stripped away, all her reserves of inner strength sapped, and her light all but burnt out.

"Rory, everyone was so worried about you!" he exclaimed, desperate to make her see. "You were missing for three weeks!"

"I wasn't missing!" she protested.

He shook his head. "No one knew where you were, that's missing. Check a dictionary," he said sharply. "Your mother was practically making herself sick, she was so scared."

"Then why wasn't she here when I woke up?" she asked, her quiet tone a vivid contrast to his harsh one.

Jess almost laughed. "Believe me, she wanted to be. She slept in a chair in your room all night, but then Sookie called this morning, and I think a stove exploded or something so she had to run up to the Dragonfly for damage control."

"Oh." She stared at her sneaker-clad feet.

After a brief hesitation, during which he decided that there was a difference between being sensitive and just plain coddling, Jess said, "Nobody hates you, Rory. You know that right?"

"They should," Rory replied. "I've been awful. I've got a criminal record and everything."

"I think you're going to have to tell me that story," Jess said with a grin, not even bothering to address the first part of her comment. In his mind, it was too ridiculous to merit comment

She gave him a hesitant smile. "Well, it involves a late night, a bad mood, and a yacht..."

* * *

**A/N2-** This is the last chapter that I had written up beforehand, so updates will be a little slower from here on out. However, reviews *will* encourage me to write faster. (Was that a subtle enough hint, or am I still lacking finesse?)


	5. Mending Broken Hearts

**A/N-** Wow it's been awhile since I updated this, hasn't it? I just kinda fell in love with Always and had a mental breakdown regarding this fic. But, thanks to reading several awesome JavaJunkie fics lately (which have inspired me to finally decide that I do in fact prefer JJ to BB), I finally got some inspiration for where I wanted the next chapter to go. So here we are (also, I blame watching Luke Can See Her Face about five thousand times for this chapter).

**Also-** JEEZ did my lyrics get out of control in this chapter! I love including these lyrics at the beginning of every chapter, but it's sometimes hard to find something that fits. But whatever. I'm a music freak. (Shoutout to Peter, who loaned me his beautiful, beautiful vinyl collection when I was a kid. I mean, you have to be a freaking SAINT to be willing to trust an eight-year-old with your copies of Abbey Road and London Calling! You're the best big cousin ever, Pete!)

* * *

5. Mending Broken Hearts

_"I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate._  
_Perhaps that's what no one wants to see._  
_I just want to scream...hello..._  
_My god, it's been so long, never dreamed you'd return_  
_But now here you are,_  
_And here I am..."_

_-Pearl Jam_

* * *

Jess shook his head as she finished her story. "I think you've officially surpassed me in the delinquent department, Miss Gilmore," he said, gently teasing her. "At least I managed to avoid getting arrested!"

"Aw, and here I thought we could compare stories from the slammer," Rory pouted, and for the first time, he saw a hint of her old self shining through. It gave him hope. Rory would be okay, he was sure. It would take time, and more than a little reassurance, but she'd be okay.

"Yeah, well, I can tell you all about the time I got caught shoplifting cigarettes, but that's not really as good of a story," he said. Rory raised an eyebrow at him and he realized suddenly that it was the first time in all the time they'd known each other, that he'd told her much of anything concerning his life outside of Stars Hollow. The thought made him a little uncomfortable. He had been forced to confront his past long ago, and he could talk about it now, but he wasn't sure she'd really want to know anymore. He quickly changed the subject. "Rory, you've got to go back to school. You know that, right?"

Her eyes dropped abruptly away from his. "I..."

"Look, I don't know the full story. I only got the abbreviated version from Luke, so I don't know why you dropped out in the first place, but it was really stupid of you. You're brilliant, and you and your mom both have been working for this your whole life. Eighteen years of your life you dedicated to this dream, and you're just gonna toss it out? I'm not gonna lie to you, Rory. That's stupid. What the hell was going through your head?"

Rory bit her lip. "I... I don't have what it takes," she said numbly. "I got informed in no uncertain terms that I'm crap as a journalist."

"By _who_?" Jess asked, flabbergasted. "Who could honestly read some of the pieces you've written, say that, and still maintain a shred of integrity?"

"Mitchum Huntzberger."

The name chimed in his brain and Jess saw red. "Oh, for the love of-- Your boyfriend's _daddy_ said you weren't good enough? Is that what happened?" He was disgusted, and his tone came across more condescending and disdainful than he had intended.

Her face took on a strange expression. "You know about Logan?"

"Yeah, your grandfather mentioned him," Jess spat, not so much angry with her as much as failing to process all the emotions that had built up in him over the course of the past few days. "Seriously, Rory, what the fuck has been going on with you lately? Dating some rich jerk with a Porsche, letting his rich jerk father convince you that you're not good enough... this isn't you! This isn't you at all!"

Rory crossed her arms defensively. "Mitchum was speaking in a purely professional capacity!" she said hotly. "He's one of the most important, most respected newspapermen in the country, and I would think he would know. I worked for him as an intern, he saw my work, he didn't think it was any good. End of story. And just for the record, Logan and I aren't exactly dating anymore!"

For a moment, Jess only registered the last statement, and something dangerously like hope swelled up in his heart. "What?"

She shrugged, still shielding her body with her forearms. "We broke up the day before I moved out of my grandparents' house."

"Is that why you... why you were the way you were last night?" He couldn't bring himself to get into the details of it all. She knew what he was talking about as well as he did. And the idea of Rory falling apart because of some guy made him want to hit something. He'd thought she was better than that. She hadn't fallen apart when he'd run out on her, had she? And even though he hadn't been the best boyfriend, he knew for a fact that there had been something pure and real in their relationship. Losing it had just about killed him, and he wasn't stupid enough to think that Rory had gone skipping happily away from it either. But she had survived that. What was different this time, with this other guy? Jess felt sick to his stomach at the thought that maybe she just loved the rich guy more. But his fears were put somewhat to rest when she spoke.

"It was part of it," she admitted, voice breaking a little. "As ashamed of it as I am, it's part of it. We parted on very bad terms. But mostly it was just... everything. The DAR and the Russian teas and Grandma being annoying and I wasn't speaking to Mom and I couldn't talk to Lane or Paris, not _really_ because they both thought I should be going back to school--"

"Which you _should_, by the way," Jess interrupted. "I don't care what Mitchum Huntzberger says. He doesn't know a damn thing about you, Ror." Her words from the night before- _You always did know me better than anyone_- came roaring back to him, and on their heels came a wave of memories, and it brought a sudden flash of inspiration. "Tell you what. If you want, you can cash in on that promise."

She looked up at him, eyes a little bright with the tears she had successfully prevented from falling. "What promise?" she asked, confused.

"Well, over the last couple of years, I've had to pick up a little Spanish to deal with this psycho poet..." Noting the growing bewilderment in her expression, he said, "Never mind. It's a long story. Point is, I know some Spanish. And I have a car that's slightly better than that old rust bucket..." He trailed away, waiting for her to getting, wondering if she actually remembered that night.

Her eyes suddenly lit up in a way he hadn't seen in years. "Driving straight at me screaming in a foreign language..." she said softly, a hint of a smile playing around her mouth. He thought about ice cream and the heady rush of being alone with her. "You'd still do that for me?"

"'Course I would," he assured her.

"Oh." She stared at her shoes.

Jess reached out and touched her shoulder gently. He wondered if she was as hyperaware of the contact as he was. "Rory, you're gonna be fine. Whether you're a foreign correspondent or something else... you'll be the top of your field. This whole thing- no Yale, being in the DAR, it's not you. You can do more." They lapsed into thoughtful silence, staring out at the water. After a long pause, Jess let out a bark of laughter and said, "Dejá vu?"

She giggled. "Yeah, except this time you're the one with the pom-poms."

"No pom-poms, just the truth."

Rory hesitated for a minute, then said, "I guess so."

Jess had to fight to repress a wide grin.

* * *

They sat there like that for a long time, just watching the crisp autumn morning light glitter across the rippling water and processing the surreality of sitting next here to each other as if no time had passed. Neither of them spoke, but neither of them really felt they needed to.

Eventually, though, Rory's stomach did the talking for her, announcing lunchtime with a very audible growl.

Jess smirked. "Luke's?"

Rory nodded. "Luke's."

He stood up and helped her to her feet in turn, and together they left the bridge and made their way across the square to Luke's, where Rory consumed an amount of food that Jess found to be equally disturbing and comforting. If she could still put away this much food, he was reassured that she had suffered no lasting harm from the last few weeks.

When she had cleared her plate of everything but a single fry and a half a tomato slice, Jess asked, as casually as he could manage, "Do you want to walk up to the Dragonfly?"

Sitting on the stool next to her, he felt more than saw her entire body tense. She didn't look up. "I... um, I was thinking I'd go visit Lane after lunch." Jess met Luke's eyes across the counter; the older man just shrugged and went back to wiping down the counter.

"Okay," Jess said slowly. "You want company walking over there?"

Before Rory could answer, Luke chimed in, "Actually Jess, I... uh, I wanted to talk to you about something before you go."

Jess glanced at Rory for confirmation. "Yeah," she assured him. "You stay. Talk to Luke. I'll be fine." She hesitated, then added, "I'm not running away again."

"Good to know." He watched as she slipped off her stool and walked out of the diner, and he couldn't help but think that she moved with purpose.

* * *

"Something happened a couple days ago and I just... it's crazy," Luke said.

Jess leaned against the doorframe, watching his uncle pace around his apartment. Eventually growing irritated, he said, "Hey man, you were the one who wanted to talk to me. Just spit it out already!"

Luke sighed and planted himself in a chair next to the table. "Um, this is hard. I... I feel like this giant weight's been sitting on me, I just- I just need someone to talk to."

"So talk!" He joined Luke at the table.

"I have a kid."

For a second, Jess did not comprehend what he'd heard. "A kid?" he said blankly.

"A little girl. She's twelve. I am her father." When Jess didn't speak, Luke continued, staring at the Formica tabletop. "She came to the diner out of the blue and she was testing to see who her father was. Not for money or anything, it was for this science fair she was in. She's smart."

"And you're sure the DNA test is legit?" Jess asked archly.

Luke smacked him on the arm. "Don't be a smartass. This is serious."

"Sorry. So... twelve. And you didn't know?"

He shook his head. "Nope. Anna- her mother- and I didn't part too well. But then April- that's her name, April- comes into the diner with this stupid pink bike helmet and she's going on about paternity tests and she yanks out a bunch of my hair and walks out, just like that. So I went down to the fair and there she was. You know, and there I was. My picture, the DNA test." Luke let out a nervous laugh. "She's mine."

Jess stared. The man who was more of a father to him than Jimmy, more than any of Liz' various boyfriends or husbands, had a kid of his own. It was a lot to take in. "Wow. So the mother really never told you?"

"No. That's the thing. She hasn't contacted me. I mean, why hasn't she? She could have called me. What? Does she think I'd be a deadbeat?"

He shook his head, smirking at the tabletop. "She'd have to be insane to think that," he said. It was a weighty statement, but Jess passed it off lightly.

Luke was still avoiding his gaze, just looking at his own hands as if he'd find answers there. "April doesn't seem to want anything either. You know, it's all just very scientific with her. I couldn't even get her to go for ice cream with me." After a moment, he seemed to come to a resolution. Then he began speaking, and it was obvious to Jess that he was trying to talk himself into whatever he'd decided. "She didn't have any interest. You know, that's the thing. Why should I feel burdened? I mean, they're not reaching out. Neither one of them. So why should I? I mean, the girl's got her life. She seems very adjusted, a little weird, but thriving. Anna's got her life, I've got my life, you know. I shouldn't worry about this. I mean, why should I? There's no reason to." He looked up and noticed Jess looking at him for the first time. "What?" he demanded.

"Take it from someone who knows," Jess said in his most serious voice, "Growing up without a father? It really sucks. Did you ever think maybe the whole science fair thing was just a cover? This Anna woman obviously didn't want you involved in your daughter's life- which, in my opinion, means she's cracked- but the kid made an effort to find her dad. That means something, one way or another. Maybe the science fair was her California."

It seemed to make an impact, and Luke winced. "Ugh. Don't compare me to Jimmy!"

"Believe me, I'm not," Jess said with a shake of his head. Luke and Jimmy were about as different as two father figures could be. "All I'm saying is, you've got this little girl out there. She's made contact. Think about it before you just ignore that."

Luke nodded slowly, apparently deep in thought.

"Look, what does Lorelai think?"

Jess didn't miss the guilty expression that crossed his uncle's face.

"You haven't told her." It wasn't a question.

"We're engaged, we're on track here, her and me. And Rory's back, so that's settled now. Or at least, it will be. We're in a good place! You know, this could wreck it."

It was ironic, how things were coming full circle, Jess thought. "Luke, you're a moron."

"What?"

"Once again, I'm gonna say: take it from someone who knows. Opening up to a Gilmore girl is infinitely better than the consequences. I learned that the hard way. She'll be pissed as hell if she finds out later and you didn't tell her. _That's_ more likely to wreck it than telling her."

"We talked about having kids," Luke said quietly. "What if she... doesn't want to anymore because I wasn't there for April?"

Jess groaned. "Ah _jeez_," he exclaimed. "When did you turn into such an insecure idiot? You honestly think Lorelai's gonna think you're some deadbeat because your ex-girlfriend never bothered to inform you that she was pregnant? That's logic too twisted even for a Gilmore! You're probably the best father a kid could ask for!"

Luke looked up at him. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. God knows I'd probably be in a ditch somewhere if it weren't for you."

It was the closest Jess would probably ever come to telling Luke that he loved him like a father. But he thought Luke knew anyway.

* * *

**A/N2-** Because Liz? Yeah, she gave really crappy advice in the original version of this scene. You can bet if Luke had been talking to Jess here, the entire April Mess and the horrifying JavaJunkie breakup would never have occurred. CRISIS AVERTED! Not all, but the Big Major Mess That's Way Too Difficult To Sort Out has been sidestepped. However, there are other things coming the ways of both of our favorite couples...!


	6. We Don't Work

**A/N-** Hey, guess what? There's Lane! I love Lane! I'm in a very musical mood today (like that's a big change from usual LOL) and so today Lane is my favorite GG character (after Jess, of course, because Jess never gets surpassed).

* * *

6. We Don't Work

_"True perfection has to be imperfect  
I know that that sounds foolish but it's true  
The day has come and now you'll have to accept  
The life inside your head we gave to you..."_

_-Oasis_

_

* * *

_Rory was amazed at how quickly Lane had whirled her across the threshold of the band's ramshackle apartment and ensconced her in one of Brian's therapeutic bean bag chairs. After the initial squeals of delight and exclamations of "thank god you're home!" had subsided, Lane settled into the other chair with a bag of marshmallows.

"So," she said, leaning in intently, "It's been all around town this morning. Babette said she saw you being carried into your house in the middle of the night by a someone tall, dark and from your past. Well, maybe not so tall, but the rest of it applies." After a break which was intended to allow Rory to enumerate, Lane sighed and said, "Do _not_ leave me hanging like this, girl! I need details!"

"Jess found me and brought me home, that's about it," Rory said.

"Where were you? I mean, everybody's been looking for you, Kirk even organized a search party! But nobody could figure out where you'd gone after leaving your grandparent's house and what with the whole legal adult thing it wasn't really possible to call the police unless we suspected foul play and since you left Emily and Richard's voluntarily of your own free will, we didn't really have a leg to stand on and-"

"Lane! Breathe!"

The Korean girl gasped in a breath on Rory's command.

"To answer your question, I was in Hartford. I rented a room at this crappy little motel, spent most of my time just... wandering around. At the time, it seemed like a really good plan."

"Wow. I can't picture you just doing _nothing_. I mean, you're Rory Gilmore. You're always doing something," Lane said.

Rory shook her head. "I just don't know where my head's been these last few weeks. It feels like I've been living in this haze for months, and after I had this blowup with Logan the dream turned into a nightmare and I just ran for the hills. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't face Mom, I was too proud to ask you for help, Paris had things of her own to worry about. It all seemed very reasonable at the time. It seems so stupid looking back, it's so embarrassing that I went and fell apart like that, but at the time..."

"At the time it made sense."

The two best friends fell into contemplative silence while they both took the time to digest Rory's sentiment. Then Lane, apparently having processed the information, got a more playful look in her eye and, leaning forward slightly, said, "So... Jess..."

"Jess." Rory nodded slowly.

"He just showed up?"

She shrugged. "That seems to be the extent of it. He found me in this stupid bar and drove me home."

Lane looked at her with an intent expression. "So half of Stars Hollow can be searching for two weeks, but Jess is in town one day and he just stumbles across you?"

Her tone spoke volumes, all of which Rory chose to ignore. "He always was good at getting inside my head," she said off-handedly.

Though she looked like she wanted to say more, Lane elected to let it be for now. Instead, she asked, "So, is it weird? Seeing him again?"

"It should be, shouldn't it?" Rory said. "It's not, though. It just makes sense that he should be here. An old friend, right?"

Lane snorted. "Oh please, Rory, let's be honest here! Jess isn't just an 'old friend'. The last time you saw him he was declaring passionate love for you and begging you to run away with him! An old friend is about the _last_ thing I would call him. Do you think he still-?"

Rory shook her head violently. "No, Lane, don't go there. He doesn't still feel that way about me."

"How do you know that?"

"He seemed very... friends-ish... this morning."

"This morning?"

"We hung out at the bridge this morning. I told him about the yacht and he told me to go back to school and we just... talked. Hung out. Friend stuff."

Lane suppressed a grin. "Rory, that boy has been head over heels for you the entire time I've known him!"

"And it's been almost two years since I last saw him! Liking someone goes away, especially when you don't see them in years. That's how it works."

"You just keep telling yourself that," Lane said knowingly. At Rory's protesting expression, she continued, taking a more serious tone. "Look, I might not be as man-experienced as you, but my artist's soul gives me the right to say that I recognize Jess' type. He's not the kind of guy to give his heart away easily, and he's not the kind of guy to ever get it back once he's given it."

"Think what you want," Rory said shortly. "You don't know him as well as you'd like to think. I don't think anybody _really_ knows Jess."

Lane made the wise decision not to say what she was thinking, which was something along the lines of _'But he wanted you to.' _Instead, she asked, "So fine. Have it your way. Jess no longer has any feelings for you beyond, apparently, friendship. But what about you? And I want the real answer, not this evasive stuff you gave me after last time."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"Honestly, I think that a part of me will always have feelings for Jess," Rory admitted quietly. "But it's not something that's ever going to happen. Not for us. We don't _work_ in a relationship setting. It's better for us to just be friends. That works. That, we're really good at."

Lane nodded, showed support, and secretly thought that Cleopatra had nothing on her best friend. Denial had a whole new ruler. "Okay, in that case, I declare a moratorium on the Jess topic until such time as it blows up in your face, at which point I will be here and ready with Red Vines, Rocky Road, and a helpful ear..." Rory shot her a deadly look and Lane changed course quickly. "In the meantime, let's discuss the other men in your life."

"Not much to discuss, then. There are no men in my life."

"So Logan's really out of the picture?"

"Very out of the picture."

"You think for good?"

Rory shrugged. "I may someday pass him on the street and exchange a polite word with him, but other than that, this picture is varnished, framed, and hung, and there is no Logan in sight."

"And how okay are you with that?"

"I'm coming to terms," Rory said. "It was hard the first couple of days... mainly because I was very, very drunk. But I always knew Logan wasn't The One. We had fun, and I loved him, but it wasn't like I was hearing wedding bells or anything. Maybe we'd have gotten there, but maybe not. We'll never know, I guess."

"So, pretty typical break-up?"

"Pretty standard-issue, yes. Once I was sober, I ate mass quantities of cheese puffs and butter brickle ice cream in my motel room and watched a sappy movie on their basic cable and cried some and now I'm okay."

"Ah, the standard-issue female's cure-all."

"Yes. As always, very effective."

Lane smiled. "I bet Lorelai's pleased."

Rory's face fell.

"Lorelai's... not pleased?" Lane asked in confusion.

Rory shrugged. "I haven't worked up the guts to face her yet. She was gone when I woke up this morning and I've been out of the house all day since."

"Oh." Lane looked nervous. "That's probably... probably good. Work up to her, right?"

"I just don't know what to say to her," Rory explained.

Sensing that this was a delicate topic, Lane steered away from it quickly with an anecdote about the band and the antics of Gil's absurd wife and her Fiona Apple impersonations.

_

* * *

_Later that afternoon, Luke arrived at the Crap Shack, twisting his baseball cap in his hands as he walked in. He found Lorelai sitting on the sofa and holding the phone, staring at it intently with the attitude of someone who is trying to work up the nerve to make a call they really don't want to make.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

Lorelai jumped. "Oh! Luke! Thank god, have you seen Rory?"

"Yeah, she was going to Lane's last time I saw her."

Lorelai's expression sagged in a combination of relief and hurt. "Oh. Okay. That's good, right? She's... reconnecting with her friends. That's good. She should be catching up with Lane." Luke waited patiently for a few moments before Lorelai burst out, "Why isn't she catching up with _me_?"

"I dunno," Luke said. "Maybe she's scared. Your opinion matters a lot to her. If you're disappointed with her and mad at her for disappearing on us, that's gonna be hard for her. She might not be ready to own up to all the stupid stuff she's done."

Lorelai shook her head slowly, a small, wondering smile on her face. "You never fail to amaze me," she said softly.

He chuckled nervously. "Yeah, well... Um, listen, Lorelai, I kinda had something I wanted to talk to you about."

The brunette nodded. "Okay, yeah. What?"

His nerve almost deserted him, but he remembered the somber look in his nephew's eyes as Jess had spoken about the pain of losing his Gilmore girl, and Luke knew he had to get this out in the open. As they had agreed just hours after he had found out about April's existence, no more secrets. "Um, something happened a couple of days ago, and I've been trying to figure out how to tell you, 'cause it's kind of a big thing and you've been so worried about Rory and I just didn't know how to say it..."

"Luke, just spit it out!" Lorelai said with confused laughter in her voice.

"I, uh, I have a daughter."

Lorelai's blue eyes blinked rapidly and her mouth dropped open. "A daughter? Like... a _daughter_?"

He sighed, leaning back heavily against the back of the couch. "Yeah. She's twelve."

"What? How is this possible?"

"Apparently my old girlfriend got pregnant and never bothered to inform me. Of course, she never even bothered to find out if I actually _was_ the father, seeing as she was cheating on me with all these various people, but I guess knowing who fathered your daughter isn't as important to women as it used to be so..." He shrugged, out of words.

Lorelai stared at him, but her gaze was softer now. "Wow," she said. "That's... wow. You've had some tough luck with girlfriends in the past, haven't you? Nicole, then this other woman, this...?"

"Her name's Anna Nardini."

"Yeah. Real classy girls," she grumbled. "I mean, I know my moral compass hasn't always pointed due north, but why would anybody want another man when they've got Butch Danes?"

Luke groaned. "_Not_ an appropriate time for a Butch Danes joke, Lorelai."

"There's _never_ an appropriate time for a Butch Danes joke! That's why you've got to make your own times."

After an appropriate length of silence, Luke said, "So, um, what do you think?"

Lorelai shook her head. "I don't know," she responded. "I still can't even wrap my mind around it. I mean, you have a _kid_! A whole little person out there who's half you!"

"I don't know so much about that," he said. "I mean, how can she be anything of mine if I never even knew her until she was practically a teenager! I still don't know her!"

"How long ago did you find out about this?"

"April- that's her name, April- came into the diner about a week ago, babbling on about DNA tests and labs and a science fair and Samuel Pilotski-"

"Who?"

"I don't know. Some kid. Anyway, she came in and yanked out my hair and left and then a couple days ago I went down to the science fair thing, and there she was and there was my picture and, well, I'm her father."

"Wow." Lorelai sighed, staring at her hands. "You waited a week to tell me about this?"

"I-"

"What happened to no secrets?"

Luke shook his head. "I was scared. I didn't know how to tell you, and you were so scared because Rory was god knows where and I just didn't want to make everything harder."

Lorelai thought it over and nodded. "Okay. Yeah. So... um. Wow. What do we do?"

"I have no idea. I mean, I don't even know if she actually wants anything to do with me. God knows Anna doesn't."

"Do you want to know her?"

"Of course I do," Luke said. "She's my daughter."

"Then maybe we should go talk to this Anna woman and... and say something, which I hope I'll come up with if I keep talking long enough but right now I really have no clue." Lorelai sighed and leaned her head on her fiance's shoulder. "This is weird."

Luke nodded. "Tell me about it."

* * *

Rory stayed late at Lane's house, talking about anything and everything and getting many dirty looks from Brian, whose bean bag chairs they were occupying, in the process. By the time she said her goodbyes, it was closer to midnight than not, and she suddenly felt exhausted. Her past few weeks of living on the edge were catching up to her and she felt like collapsing where she stood. The darkness between the streetlights, however, made her quicken her steps rather than slow down. It might be Stars Hollow, but Rory felt jumpy and afraid.

The outline of a man loomed out of the darkness and Rory shrieked.

"Hey! Hey, it's just me!" Jess exclaimed.

"Oh, thank _god_, Jess!" she gasped. "You scared the hell out of me!"

"Jeez, are you okay? You're all pale."

Rory shook her head. "I'll be okay. I just... god, I think I know what a heart attack feels like!"

Now that she had stopped walking, she wasn't really sure where she was going anymore. She didn't want to go back to the Crap Shack right now, and she couldn't go back to Lane's. The tiny apartment was cramped enough with the three bandmates living there. No way could she impose on them, even for the night. Rory stood on the sidewalk, looking around in disorientation.

"Earth to Rory!" Jess exclaimed.

"Huh?"

"That's my line, and frankly, you're not doing it justice," he teased. "You sure you're okay? You just went somewhere else."

Rory sighed. "I... I'm not ready to face Mom yet. Consciously, I know that she's my mother and she'll love me no matter what, but... I've never disappointed her like this. I've been horrible to everyone, and I don't know what to say. I don't know how to make it better."

Jess' face was hard to read in the dim radiance of the streetlight, but he seemed to be debating something. Finally, he said, "You can stay at the apartment over the diner tonight, if you like."

Instantly, the guilty relief of procrastination filled her. "Thank you, Jess!" she exclaimed.

"Eh, it's nothing. I'll crash on Luke's bed, you can take my old bed. It's still up there."

Rory smiled. "Okay. Thank you."

"You said that already."

"I know. But you're being way sweeter than I deserve, so I have to say it again."

Jess glanced around conspiratorially. "Don't say that so loud. You'll totally kill my street cred."

Rory shrugged. "I think you already did that. According to Lane, Babette witnessed you bringing me home last night and now the whole town is aware that you more or less saved me. I bet they'll be organizing a festival in your honor any day now."

"Please kill me."

"No can do. I owe you. No homicide until after all debts of honor are repaid."

"Hm, what kind of an installment plan do debts of honor get paid on?"

She shook her head. "I have no idea. Let me think about that when I'm not so exhausted."

"Sleeping. Right. Let's head back to Luke's?"

"Sure."

* * *

**A/N2-** Wow. I can't decide if I love or hate this chapter. And I'm sketchy about some things in that last conversation between Rory and Jess, which I am not going to put down here because then you'll notice them more than you might already have done, and I don't want that because as long as I pretend it's great, maybe you'll actually think that. Meh, I'm having plot bunnies running in different directions and ripping this fic in half. So please review. It'll make me happy.


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